Another season of Game of Thrones is in the books, well not really because George R.R. Martin refuses to get off his fat butt and work, but that is a topic for another post. As we wither in this post-GoT summer heat with nothing better to do – seriously there is nothing to do football has yet to start, basketball just ended, and summer baseball is…well…summer baseball. At least we can have some important debates like who really has the best hair in GoT. This list is highly scientific and impregnable and (by scientific I mean I looked at each main character in a few different shots and made the call, and by impregnable I mean that my opinion is the gold standard). I will have a top three preceded by an honorable mentions list of 5.
Ramsay Bolton: 20 points
Points for a full think mop. Lost points for never styling it and being a complete dick.
Rob Stark: 30 points
Points for wonderful curly locks. Lost points for dying young and not proving hair “staying power”.
Khal Drogo: 45 points
Points for potentially the longest ponytail a man has ever had. Lost points for dying and getting hair chopped.
Melisandre: 45 points
Points for intense, full red color. Lost points for a most unbelievable dye job (I mean really).
Daario Naharis: 50 points
Points for being perfectly beautiful. Lost points for changing who he was between seasons 3 and 4-6.
And now what you all have been waiting for! THE TOP THREE HEADS OF HAIR IN GoT!!!
What is bronze even worth award
Margaery Tyrell: 75 points
Points for: Being probably the most desirable woman in The Seven Kingdoms. Margaery always has her hair in perfect array even when Cersei does everything she can to bring her down.
Lost Points: Uhm… spoiler alert she dies, and to make it worse in a plot by Cersei. She also has a really odd relationship with her brother. She offered to bring Loras into bed with Renly so that he could get a woody and while this has nothing to do with hair incest loses points.
At least I like the color of silver better than that of gold award
Eddard “Ned” Stark: 90 points
Points for: Look at that man! He has been through A LOT and it appears as if he hasn’t lost a strand since birth. We was general in several battles, lost his sister, was the Warden of the North, and whatever personal shit he had to deal with and not a drop of gray either. This was a man that was born with God-like hair. Here’s to betting that if he had lived in GoT he would have a ful head of hair until a death of more natural causes.
Not hair related but I’ll still give him some bonus points he was the most honorable man in The Seven Kingdoms.
Points lost: The only negative thing I can really say about Ned here is that he simply died too young (not that he was particularly young but you get the picture). I wanted to honor him on this list, but I cannot – with a clear conscious at least – give him the top spot.
Hair I can only dre … nope can’t even dream it award
Jon Snow: 95 points
Points for: Just look at it.
Even covered in snow its majestic. Even better it’s all natural baby.
If there was even an argument to be had I can squelch it. This. Man. Came. Back. From. The. Dead. With. All. That. Intact. ’nuff said.
Points lost: I docked him 5 points because I am jealous.
Thank you so much for your time and have a great rest of your day!