I hate airplanes, I hate the claustrophobia driven anxiety, I hate sitting next to people that I A) don’t really care about, and B) probably smell. As a defense mechanism against the rigors of air travel I try to sleep as little as possible before the flight so I can sleep the WHOLE DAMN TIME while that tiny metal deathtrap gets me to my destination.

Window seats, to me and this is not up for debate, are the best seats for sleeping. No need to get up for other people (I refuse to use a airplane bathroom), I can use the wall + my pillow (a jacket), and I can control the window and the sunlight that it can ruin sleep with. For this flight I did not have the window, but no worries for if this is the case I have a backup plan!

(Quick aside: The girl sitting next to me managed to step over me and not bother me while she went to the bathroom mid-flight, whoever you were I was shocked when you went for it (ass right in my face – in this case not bad) and even more shocked that you were successful in it. Whoever you are props, major props.)

My backup plan works for either of the aisle or middle seat, and it is quite simple. Just use the seat-back tray as a quasi bed. If you have something along the lines of a pillow (jacket, sweater, etc.) this plan can be executed to near the comfort of the window seat. HOWEVER! If your airplane features the sort of douchbaggery (technical term) that that gentleman in-front of  my seat featured, you are going to have a bad time.

THROUGHOUT the ENTIRE flight this man felt the need to constantly battle me for my space that the airlines had afforded me. I do not care that they give you the option to move your seat back, I do not care that you are tall, I do not care about whatever other physical ailment you have that moving your seat back an entire 2-3 inches may help, I DO NOT CARE. That is my space and I will fight you tooth and nail the entire flight to get that back.

During the flight me and this diabolical villain  fought over this space. Me putting my head, neck, and back on the line; and him pushing back constantly trying to gain MY THREE INCHES of space. I’m not talking about one consistent push from this gent, he was pushing like a dog trying to tear a toy away, like an alligator tearing flesh off a … whatever alligators eat, like a… you get the picture.

Needless to say for the rest of the day I had a crank in my neck and I hope he had some other terrible impact, like scurvy or something.

In conclusion, do not be him. Do not use that little button no matter how much you think it will help, do not. If you do I WILL FIND YOU (and probably do nothing because I am way too passive-aggressive for that). Thanks for reading and keep on hating!

Send your hates to my email MCSNetwerk@gmail.com or comment at the bottom of this page. Maybe if I get enough of them I can run a quick readers hate blog (AKA you doing my job for me).

p.s I have included a picture just in case you didn’t get the picture from above.

Don’t be ^ guy on an airplane.