If you are a UFC fan, you probably want to see Floyd Mayweather fight Connor McGregor. If you are a boxing fan who hates yourself, you probably want to see the same thing. I, myself had been interested in the possibility of the top UFC name in the ring with a top professional boxing name, until I got to see Oscar de la Hoya promote the fuck out of that never happening this week. He actually said, “That will never happen”. He claimed that the UFC would never allow its biggest star to limit himself by stepping into a ring where he could only box, as that would be a disaster to the UFC brand. So there you go, the fight of the epoch is not going to happen.

The fight of the epoch is probably never going to happen.

The most notable fight of recent memory was the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight of 2015. The hype for that one was through the ceiling as both were at the height of their respective careers. They had also cashed in on the Half Decade of anticipation from boxing fans around the world. News of the fight was first heard in December 2009, and the fight took place in May 2015. That was five plus years of promoters announcing pay-per-view boxing matches and boxing as a whole going “yeah that’s cool and all but you know what we REALLY want”. The hype was better than the fight, Mayweather looked like he had punched a human being before, Pacquiao was the drunk guy at the bar trying unsuccessfully to swing on the jukebox.

Mayweather-Pacquiao, “The Fight of the Century” as it was called, was basically not fun. Even to the fans of the two fighters it was not a fun time, the massively pro-Pacquiao crowd was cheering whenever he let one fly and were miffed when he kept losing rounds for landing approximately 0% of his punches. Likewise, Mayweather supporters were baffled at how anyone watching that boxing match (read as, the fight where Floyd was not getting hit), could believe Pacquiao was getting anything done between the ropes that night. When the decision came through (unanimous in favor of Mayweather), nobody was surprised, except for the people who did not know what a punch looked like—including the entire corner for Pacquiao.

This is all to say that our last massive boxing match was a snooze fest. The historical importance of the bout will be that it allowed Floyd to remain undefeated and allowed Pacquiao to start focusing even harder on his political aspirations. Floyd has continued to be the cash cow of the boxing industry due to his superior ability to promote himself, like McGregor. But De La Hoya’s claims make the Mayweather-McGregor bout out to be even worse than Mayweather-Pacquiao, meaning that we are still looking for a billing to be aptly named “The Fight of the Century”. Look no further than Shaquille O’Neal and JaVale McGee.

I have no words here for the fans of technical and strategic boxing. That is, if you’re a Floyd Mayweather fan, then stay far away from this one and play a game of chess or something. But for everyone who does not follow boxing so closely, grab some popcorn and prepare for the greatest thing you have ever seen.

This morning, Shaq, an NBA analyst and former immovable object masquerading as an NBA, and JaVale McGee, a former NBA player, got into it on Twitter. I would be lying if I told you that I knew the original reason that @’s were flying last night but I really didn’t care that much when I realized what this might lead to.

This fight is basically promoting itself but I will do what I can to make the obvious unavoidable. THIS FIGHT WOULD BE LIFE!!! If you have ever seen Shaq fall down then this should have already become a real life thing that you need to have. This is probably also the case for people who have seen JaVale McGee do basically anything. The entertainment value of these two would be undeniable, because by themselves they can each lay claim to being the personality in basketball who no one is actually taking seriously. (If this fight does ever happen, the winner gains the title of second biggest joke in basketball, behind Charles Barkley of course.) McGee may have the longest blooper reel in the game today, and Shaq’s whole post-playing career has been a giant blooper reel.

If you are still unconvinced then I will present you with a tale of the tape

Name Shaquille O’Neal JaVale McGee
Age 44 29
Height 7 ft 1 in (85in) 7 ft 0 in (84in)
Weight 350? 270 lb
Wingspan 7 ft 7 in (91in) 7 ft 6 in (90in)
Coordination/Balance Absolutely More than Shaq (hopefully)

 

Shaq has one of the longest reaches in NBA history, and McGee’s s only an inch shorter. McGee has every other measurable metric on his side, including weight because I cannot believe Shaq’s mass is an advantage. He played in the league listed at 325, which means six years removed from his retirement he has only gained 25 pounds. You can choose to believe that if you want. McGee is younger, in better shape, and infinitely more mobile than Shaq. Insert almost anyone’s name for JaVale McGee’s in that last sentence and it does not lose relevance or validity.

With the measurables seemingly all on McGee’s side, coupled with O’Neal’s inability to last 12 rounds in anything but an eating contest (we think), should make this a one-sided ordeal. But there are two stats that are not in the tale of the tape that make Shaq unbeatable until the end of time.

  1. No living human being has ever withstood a full-strength punch from Shaq
  2. No entity has ever withstood a full-strength attack of any kind from Shaq…

JaVale McGee most certainly has living enemies, and they may even be thriving for all we know…

https://youtu.be/EY5q63wEu9Q?t=34s

Throw the measurables in the trash. I know who I got.

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